Being Understood

Effective Communication Practices for 2008

Over the past few weeks, I've read nearly a dozen books on leadership, communication and change as I prepare to lead two new workshops. My creative process seems to demand that I read up on the subject, just to make sure I haven't missed some new and breathtaking idea that will render my current knowledge obsolete. Though I discovered nothing that will rearrange life as I know it, I did spot a pattern that seems to lead to success.

A few key behaviours seem to improve our communication as leaders, as change agents and as human beings.

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

As the last page of the calendar streaks by with alarming speed, let's grab a few minutes to check the rear view mirror and invest some precious time to assess where we (and our organizations) have been.  Noticing what we've achieved in the past 12 months is an excellent way to launch the plans we make for the new year.

With our eyes firmly fixed on where we're headed, we often forget to celebrate or even notice what we've already accomplished. As a coach, I often ask clients to catch themselves doing something well and stop to savour the moment. I can, sometimes, forget to take my own advice.

Last week, I made time to do that, as I joined with a friend and fellow solopreneur to refine our business plans and set action priorities for 2008. Our first activity was to make a note of what we'd each achieved. At her suggestion, we also listed the names of people who had helped us get there.

Yes, It's OK To Say "No!" Revisited

Once upon a time, I was an over-committed community volunteer headed for burnout.  Things were bad.  I felt angry and resentful. Any joy I had ever found in giving my time to charitable organizations I admired was long gone.

I dropped all activities but one (my professional association) and learned how to put boundaries around my giving. And I wrote about my learning in an article called Yes, It's OK To Say "No!"  I regularly get requests from publishers and other coaches and consultants for permission to use it in their work.

Today, I had a reason to revisit the article.  I received an e-mail from someone we'll call "Lori," who finds that the newsletter she's producing for a volunteer organization is taking twice as long to do as she was led to expect.  She was looking for advice.  She wrote: "I’m inclined to keep my word and trudge on, but this last month’s issue took away from my family and job responsibilities. If I say no and stop doing the newsletter, does this set a bad example for my kids, telling them it’s OK to quit after I’ve committed to something? " It was this concern about what sort of lessons we teach through our behaviours that touched me the most. 

Real Conversation - Part 2

Here's Part 2 of the condensed version of the arguments supporting giving face-to-face communication more attention. They are extracted from Real Conversation - the most powerful business tool your organization will ever use, my presentation at the recent Ragan Corporate Communications Conference.

Brain scientists speak: "Humans have to talk!"

Developments in neuroscience are showing us that conversation has tangible physical effects on us as human beings.

In an era where people are paid to think, it’s probably no coincidence that there’s a lot of research examining how our brains work. Using new tools, graduate students everywhere are hooking folks up to functional MRIs to see which parts of their brains light up when they do or think about various things.

There’s evidence that we’re genetically “hardwired” to communicate face-to-face. Moreover, we actually need the company of other humans. It keeps us human.

Real Conversation - Part 1

Earlier this month, I spoke at the excellent Ragan Corporate Communications Conference, in Chicago.  My topic? Real Conversation - the most powerful business tool your organization will ever use. 

One of the topics I tackled was how to convince leaders and managers to pay closer attention to conversation in the workplace. People found it useful, so I thought I'd share it with my regular readers. So here - in two installments - is the Reader's Digest version of that section of my talk.

Making the Case for Face-To-Face

OK. Here we are, face-to-face, because that’s the way human beings were meant to communicate. We’re here to have a conversation about conversation. More precisely, we’ll discuss ways to get authentic, productive, valuable, human conversations going on in our organizations, instead of the same old bla bla bla – or worse – silence. It’s a quest organizations have been on for a long time.

I recently read a story from the 1950s. Before he founded WL Gore & Associates and started making GoreTex, Bill Gore, worked for chemical giant DuPont. He observed that there were only two places at work he ever heard a meaningful conversation. One was on task forces, where people have a clear and important short term purpose. The other was the car pool. In the car, everyone was equal, everyone was smart and the conversations were brilliant. Unfortunately, when they reached the parking lot, everyone straightened their ties, put on their work faces, stepped into the hierarchy and - conversation over.

Communication Sinners - Are You One?

I have invested far too many hours, this weekend, trying to sort out a communication mess.  A member of a volunteer board, on which I serve, has, effectively punched the rest of us in the head.

We probably deserve it.

There are sins of commission and sins of omission. Both forms are present on both sides of this particular communication mess.

The sin commtted is that of  working up a good sense of outrage, sending off the e-mail equivalent of a nuclear attack on the entire world, and sitting back to watch the explosion 

I confess.  In my younger, stupider days, I committed that very sin, myself, though on a smaller scale (and using cleaner, crisper, clearer language).  I loved being outraged and articulate about it. Later, I became a journalist, and was paid to commit that sin.

In the situation this group faces, today, it's the sins of omission that are more disturbing.

Try? There is no Try!

Many of you will know that I am in the throes of authoring a book about workplace communication.  You may not know that I'm trying to complete it by the end of February, just 13 short days and nights from this moment.

Talk To Me - Workplace Conversations That Work, blends fiction and nonfiction, weaving a story around and through the communication ideas to put them in a 'real world' context. It's a book with an accompanying learning program and a slew of downloadable recordings and worksheets to support it. Mercifully, these extra bits are not due by month's end.

This morning, as I was trying to write one of five chapters required this week, I interrupted myself to coach a young entrepreneur of unusual talent. Today was not her best day. She acknowledged that she's trying to be a certain way. And she'll try to think bigger. And she'll try to put some ideas together. And she'll try to do something about it.

And all of a sudden, I could year the great Jedi guru, Yoda, screaming at me, at her, and at the world, just as he screamed at Luke Skywalker. "Try? There is no Try! There is only Do and Not Do."

Something to honk about

I've always believed I could learn from anyone. But a bird? Teaching me? About leadership communication?

In recent weeks, the skies around me have been filled with migrating Canada Geese. I've never been interested in these critters, unless I had to chase one off the bow of my little sailboat or scrape their droppings off my shoes after an evening walk.

But coasting along the highway, I had a chance to watch them in action as hundreds headed northward.

Geese travel in a distinctive V shape. One goose's flapping wings create an uplift for the one that follows. Apparently, that arrangement allows the flock to travel 71 per cent further than one bird could travel on its own. For the geese, this is instinct at work, yet it's as if each trusts the other geese as well as the V formation to get them to their destination. As leaders, we start a process where the group understands and agrees on the goal and the route to get there. When we emphasize the interrelatedness of individual contributions, people see where their work fits into the whole and where other people's work supports them.

Geese take turns leading. This is amazing to watch. When the lead goose has had enough, it drops back and someone else takes over. Sharing leadership helps the group go further. Using individual strengths strengthens the whole team. Leading can be hard; give yourself a chance to recover.

Geese honk to encourage each other. This may be unconscious for geese,  sound modified by the speed of their flapping wings. But we can do it consciously. Honk! Think how marvellous it would be if all the honking we heard was encouraging. As leaders, when we practice supportive honking, we inspire others to do the same.

Geese merge their Vs without a fuss. It's fascinating to watch a five-goose V join a larger group. From the ground, we can't tell if they discuss leaping on board, but they just seem to forget that they're they "new guys" and fall in. Could we use that as a model for avoiding the "them" and "us" feelings that accompany mergers, reorganizations, or even interdepartmental transfers?

Stray geese rejoin the flock quickly. If you watch one goose stray out of the formation, you'll see it gradually work its way back to the flock. The extra effort required to go it alone isn't worth it. Is there a lesson in this? "Conform or die?" I think not. As leaders, we can create environments where original thinkers and creative people are encouraged to move from the margins of our organizations and are included in our discussions. These are places where people express their authentic ideas, not just the ones they think we want to hear.

Geese stick by each other. If a goose is ill, injured, or shot, two others will leave the V formation and stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then they catch up with another group. That's why you'll sometimes see two or three geese, in a cluster, flapping like mad.  When we provide genuine support to people when things are rough, we build connection and mutual commitment that lasts into the good times.

So now I'm wondering where we ever got the idea that geese are silly? Sounds pretty smart, to me. I also wonder if I'll remember all this wonderful stuff the next time I'm scraping goose poop off my shoes. Honk! Honk! Honk!

Leadership Lit

In the past few months (make that years) I've read everything I can on the topic of leadership. Several bifocal prescriptions later, I know qualify for guru status.

Ostensibly, I'm gathering information that can help my clients. And I'm doing research for my own book. But mostly, I'm hunting for the elusive key that will unlock the mysteries I face daily in being a leader myself.

As I stand before the great wall of leadership titles at my local Chapters store, I wonder if there is anything more to be said on the topic.

There are books that will show us how to lead from the back, the middle or the front. They'll teach us how to lead like Jesus, Einstein, Colin Powell, Billy Graham, Attila the Hun, or even Harry Potter. Authors share their laws of leadership and secrets of success, which (oddly?) always appear in uneven numbers. Unless there are 10. Speaking of numbers, these titles tell us to run our business by the numbers - or not to take the numbers too seriously, depending on the author. Some of them wisely tell us not to take ourselves too seriously.

My reading has led me to the following conclusions:

• I lead from where I am. Back, middle, front, top, or bottom - it really doesn't matter. Your location in the organizational hierarchy or political pecking order is unimportant. Lead from where you are, even if it's the garage.
• I lead like myself. I'll bet you noticed you're not Einstein or Harry Potter. You have to find the leadership style that fits you. And you can. There is no secret formula. All those who dispense leadership advice, including me, can do no more than spark your imagination and point you in a direction for experimentation. Watch yourself in action. See what works. Change what doesn't. Here's where Einstein comes in. He's the one who said doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity.
  
• There is one law of leadership: Treat people like people. Respect their humanity. Demonstrate empathy.  Acknowledge their contribution. If we treat people as "resources," just raw materials in the corporate success mix, they will know it. I used to work for an executive who barely knew who I was, let alone what I did. I felt I was indistinguishable from the photocopier and made weekly updates to my résumé. His successor asked my opinions, took my advice, shared his dreams, knew mine, and made me feel honoured to be part of his organization. For the first man, I worked hard. For the second, I worked well.
• There is a corollary to the one law: Show them you're human, too. Acknowledge your own imperfections. I know a man whose motto is "Flaunt your quirks." That may be further than most of us are willing to go. But showing your own humanity is attractive. We're working with smart people. They know we're not perfect. Why pretend to have all the answers? A willingness to be vulnerable can be disarming.
  
• I lead myself before I lead others. The days when "Do as I say not as I do" was an effective leadership tactic ended before we were born. We don't need to be perfect, yet we do need to be awake and aware of our behaviours and our interactions.
• Taking myself seriously will make me crazy and wreck my business. Seriously, we have to lighten up. Take your business seriously. Take your relationships seriously. Take the hockey playoffs seriously (if you must). But take yourself seriously and, next thing you know, you're on the nasty path to self-absorption, listening to ego, and losing your focus.  Plus people will hide when they see you coming.

So what's my point? Maybe what the business press calls "leadership" is really better described as "interpersonal effectiveness." Leadership is no longer about getting people to line up behind you, follow you up the hill like good soldiers, and obey your commands. Leadership today means aligning diverse people to work on common projects to meet individual needs that may or may not overlap. As individuals, interacting with and relating to other individuals, we determine the outcome.

Field work: Notice. In your interactions with people, observe your habits. Do you really see them as people? Do you let them see you that way?